6.26.2008

Stink Bug

I hate bugs. We have all kinds of bugs all over our house and they just gross me out. I am not too sympathetic when it comes to bugs- smoosh them with toilet paper and flush them down the toilet is how we roll in our house. Any way, Steve's Aunt Chalise emailed this story to everyone in the family about her and her 4 year old son Ryker on this hike. I thought it was HILARIOUS and HAD to share it with everyone else. Here is the email:

Dear Family,

I’ve titled this month’s submission:
“Damien Son of Destruction and The Creature” or more properly titled “Ryker and The Bug”:

So, I signed Ryker and me up for a children’s nature walk at Red Butte Gardens. My motivation was to instill in Ryker a love and appreciation for the great outdoors and all it has to offer. I thought a guided hike would be the perfect way to really introduce him to the environment.

Upon our arrival we were introduced to our guide Mary Jo. Now Mary Jo, for lack of a better term, was a granola- type to the highest degree of tree hugging. Her shirt was strewn with a print of various bugs and their scientific names, and her fanny pack contained a magnifying glass and some small reference books. Needless to say, Mary Jo knew her flora and fauna, she even identified the weasel poop on the trail and explained the elements of the indigenous thistle.

As the hike progressed I was feeling pretty confident that Ryker was really loving this nature thing. He asked a lot of questions, and appeared to be enjoying the hike. As we reached the top of a steep incline, I noticed that Mary Jo was very excited about something and motioned for the kids to gather around. As Ryker muscled his way through the circle of kids to see what the big deal was, Mary Jo proceeded to tell the kids about the characteristics of the stink bug she had just found. When Ryker finally pushed his way through and saw the stink bug for himself, he promptly stomped on it! Squishing it mercilessly into oblivion against the rocks! The adults gasped! The kids squealed, “eeeeeew!” And Mary Jo was completely mortified! With a look of utter disgust she proclaimed, “That is exactly what we don’t do!”

I quickly snatched up Ryker and pulled him aside. I was about to give him lecture 794A about how we sometimes step on bugs when they come into our house, but when we’re in their house we leave them alone. . . I didn’t get too far into the discussion when one of the boys from the group pointed his finger at Ryker and declared, “He needs to be spanked! He needs to be spanked and put in time out! He needs to be punished!” Suddenly I had a “Children of the Corn” flashback and I was hoping this kid would be quiet before he incited a riot against us! We could be stoned to death right here in this rock quarry! Then out of nowhere the kid’s father stepped in and slapped him on the face! With gritted teeth he seethed, “Don’t worry about him, you just worry about yourself!” Things were getting violent! It was apparent where the boy’s aggression had come from. This nature walk was turning out to be not so harmonious.

At that point Mary Jo decided it would be best if we turned and made our way back. She reminded the kids that there was, “no running on the trail, because people get hurt that way.” So what does Ryker do? He takes off running down the trail full speed! It didn’t take long before he slid on the loose rocks and landed on his knees, grinding rocks and dirt into a bloody mess. Of course he burst out crying and I ran to his aid. As our fellow hikers passed us by I had an uncomfortable feeling. No one stopped to see how we were doing, or if we needed help; there was no sympathy for the devil! I got the distinct impression that they believed this was payback for the bug incident. Who needs those stink bug advocates anyway!
To make a long story short, I carried Ryker the rest of the way down the mountain and we finished out the festivities by telling stories and roasting smores around the fire, Ryker apologized to Mary Jo, and all was right in the universe. . . that is, until we show up for the next activity!

We love you all! Just remember this: Exterminate only when necessary!
Chalise

5 comments:

Annie P said...

I didn't even think to post this but it is the perfect post. Chalise should have her own blog because she is such a great writer.

Angie said...

I love it, chalise is such a good writer and always has hilarious stories. i laughed so hard when i got this email!

The Bobos said...

That was so funny. Poor Chalise. I just want to give her a hug.

Jen Richards said...

very funny story :) Hope you are doing well. Ryan, Adam, and Elise told me all about plans for camp Utah and I wish I was signed up for a week! I miss you and can't waite to hang out at deep creek! Love ya!

Shannon & Kevin said...

This is hilarious!! I won't be surprised if I have similar stories of my own to share about Mr. Jordie in just a few short years. Love you Dayn!!