vinny turns 1 month and thoughts on motherhood

{baby V at one month old}

vincent turned one month yesterday. i know, crazy right?

it is a joy being this little dude's mom.

aside from his constant puking (pretty sure he has reflux but we'll find out today) after every meal he is a pretty easy baby and hardly ever cries. makes for a great second baby as his sister is usually the one that requires the most attention, and he tends to spend a lot of extra time in his car seat, bouncer, or on the floor with little to no complaining. he's a trooper that little vinny, yes he is. 

i love this little guy. and believe it or not, big sister is starting to fall for him too.

when vincent was born she wanted nothing and i mean nothing to do with him. she was an expert at ignoring him, and anytime we asked if she wanted to hold him or kiss him, a very firm "no" was always the reply. 

that is, until a couple weeks ago.  one morning he was crying in the family room and jayne runs over to him and ever so sweetly asks "hold you brudder?" with her arms stretched out in front of her. i couldn't believe it. i even double checked and asked "jayne? you want to hold the baby?" to which she replied with the biggest grin on her face "yeah!"

so i set her up on the chair and handed her the little man. she smiled and looked at him and even gave him a little kiss as she held him. my heart just swelled with love for the two of them. and even though she only wanted to hold him for a matter of 2.5 seconds before she pushed him off and said "mommy hold you baby" (telling me to hold the baby) it was a moment i will always remember, and it is the type of moment that makes me feel so incredibly grateful and lucky to be a mother to these two little munchkin heads. 

holy cow having two babies is hard. like, really hard! the first week brought in a lot of tears and meltdowns not just for the babies but for me as well. it was so emotionally overwhelming sacrificing time spent with jayne while trying to take care of a new baby that i love equally. jayne was my little butt-buddy up until that time. it was hard letting go of that. not to mention her whole world was rocked, and she struggled a lot, and that was hard for me to see. i missed her. i missed our constant one on one time together. i struggled with feelings of guilt as i couldn't be there for her every second she needed me. it was so hard. i'm still trying to get the hang of it, and find that happy balance. sometimes it seems ever so daunting and challenging, but with time and practice i am happy to say it is getting less and less so.  

but with the bitter comes the oh so sweet (oh so!)... like when jayne asks to hold her little brother. or when she gives him a kiss without being asked. or when vinny breaks out in the biggest grin or falls asleep in my arms. when i get to snuggle both of them in bed with me. or all the silly happy moments we share together. the kisses. the giggles. the dance parties. the hugs. those little moments are what make being a mother so incredibly rewarding. and i get to have it with TWO of them now! talk about extra lucky.

and i would do it all over again. because who wouldn't want more of these cute babies to love on forever?

i am finally starting to see clearly why my mother ever had TEN of her own children. UH OH.

(and below the proof of a real brother and sister bonding moment):


jo said...

Oh Dayna, I just love you! Yes having two is hard, really hard, especially for the first six months of the 2nd one. It's not just two, it is two that are very close in age, like we both have. I could relate to everything you mentioned. And now that Owen is one and Soren is two I have learned a lot about motherhood and you will too...you already have. The challenges will always be around just in different outfits but I will say the heaviness of it all seemed to lift when Owen started to get on somewhat of a nap schedule & could sit up. Know that your little j is okay and that she needs V just like you do. He was meant for all of you, to help and better the whole fam. The more jayne can help you take care of him the more involved she will feel and then when he gets a bit older you can go on dates with your little girl, even if it is just to have a tea party in her room for a few minutes while V is napping. All this Im sure you already know. Just thinking out loud here:) Love ya! We need to come visit!

S.DAY said...

I kinda needed to hear this. You're just fabulous at documenting this learning experience and I am so grateful for your perspective. I can't wait to chat more about it in a few weeks. And I thought Jayne and Layla were the cutest babies in the entire world... but hellllooo Vinny!

The Romney Family said...

Oh my heavens, those kids are cute together! I'm so glad to hear Jayne has warmed up to her little brother. :) That makes life easier for you, at least! Thanks so much for sharing all of this. I had a fairly rough emotional adjustment after having Alli, and I wished I'd had someone to warn me about that possibility! I was so focused on the PHYSICAL aspect of being able to actually care for two children, and all of that ended up being a breeze, but I was totally blindsided by the emotional difficulties I experienced. I spent the entire first night in the hospital bawling because I missed Kate so much, and then bawling even more because I felt so guilty about crying over my first child when my beautiful, brand new second child was right there with me. And then feeling even guiltier that I wasn't sure I loved Alli as much as I loved Kate... Ahhh! It makes me cringe just thinking about it. But one year later, I literally cannot remember life before either of these girls joined our family, and they are such a blast, and such great little buddies. (And don't worry--it didn't take a full year to feel that way! Within a few weeks, I felt totally different about everything and life was good again!) Anyway, I hope you're feeling well and getting plenty of rest and just enjoying your new little guy!

Angie said...

So sweet! I am glad you're doing well and that Jayne is warming up to the idea of her little bro. They are so cute together. i love your thoughts on motherhood posts. Makes me look forward to that!

ashley schmutz said...

i am SO GLAD i met him!!!! next time i wont be sick so i can hold him! he is so cute, dayna!