on growing up. and heaven.

i’ve had a special soft spot in my heart for this little girl of mine lately. you might wonder why as she has recently developed into what is typically known as a “terrible two” with her trouble seeking, rascal-like behavior, more-often-than-not whining, pouting, demanding, and last but not least- my absolute favorite- every day meltdowns accompanied with high pitched screaming when she doesn’t get what she wants when she wants it.

oh boy.

every day she is talking and learning more and more and as a result, she is becoming less and less of a baby. she now says things like “please mommy?” (peas mommy) “ok lets do it” (ok-ets-doit) “where are you monkey?” (air aaaareoooo monkey??!!) “wake up daddy”(ake up daddy) “bye see you later.” she laughs hysterically at her baby brother, struts around the house in my shoes, dances to any music within ear reach, gets into mischief, loves to check the cracks of her toes and fingers for lint (“see toes?”), knows all the names of the dinosaurs in land before time, can put puzzle pieces together, climbs the jungle gym at the playground, counts to 10, eats food with utensils....

...each stage has brought things that are so exciting and fun- i dare say better than the last. i absolutely LOVE the stage she is in right now (tantrums and all) and look forward to her learning and discovering more about the world around her. but with each new stage i find myself mourning the loss of the previous one; the joy of watching her grow up goes hand in hand with the tragic nostalgia that leaves me wishing i could have enjoyed that last stage a little longer. i was looking at old baby pictures/videos of jayne the other day and started to cry as if i was looking at pictures of a deceased child. it was strange. steve gave me the crazy look (the one that says “should i be worried?”) and it made me realize that i need to face it- my baby is going to grow up whether i like it or not.

i guess what i’m trying to say is, i wish i liked it.

i have often wondered if in heaven we can “re-live” certain favorite moments in our life here on earth.

the first time steve said “i love you.”

our first kiss.

our wedding day.

the day i gave birth to jayne (and vinny).

there are many things i could add to that list, and it would certainly include the fun and tender moments when jayne was a newborn to where she is now and undoubtedly the stages that will come and go with all my children, and just like the others, be cherished and missed.

do you think its possible?

because that would be my kind of heaven.


ashley schmutz said...

i love your posts... i sure hope you're right about heaven. i get all emotional looking at bennett's pictures, too. the first week when he came home from the hospital always makes me miss those days!!!! i think it's that way so we are more likely to have more children ;)

Angie said...

I love the way you write! You make me look forward to having children so much. I love to see how much joy it brings you. And yes, i think we will be able to look back on our lives and relive moments with perfect clarity. It woudln't be heaven if we couldn't do that... right?

s day @ sdayrunning.blogspot.com said...

It's so refreshing to hear someone who enjoys motherhood as much as I do. So many women complain constantly about toddlers. Yes it's hard. But it's also the most insanely cherished days of my life and I HOPE we can relive them. I think it would be awesome to relive our hard days too - but to live it through our Heavenly Fathers eyes as he watched over us and loved us.

Taylors said...

It is definately so true that moments pass by and we wish we could go back and enjoy them one more time. That is the only advise I give to new moms, is live in the moment and enjoy! It is so great to see you as a mother. It suits you perfectly, and your children are beautiful!

Jen Richards said...

Such a sweet post. I know I told you this when we were talking last night, but that truly would be heaven! It can be heartbreaking when you realize how fast they are growing up (and that they will never be this little again!). Hopefully we will be able to relive some of their most precious moments :)

JENNIFRO said...

You KNOW I share your vision on this one, Sweetie.
I'm thinking it's possible. ; )

Bridget said...

Girl, you already know this. I'm with you! Don't even talk to me about him turning one!