9.11.2009

thoughts on mommyhood

Photobucket

i've had my jaynie baby for 2 whole months now.

before i had jayne i always wondered why people would say "having a baby is the hardest but greatest thing ever." those two very different words, "hardest" and "greatest," put together, never really made much sense to me.

the other night steve and i had given jayne a bath and we had her dressed in her pj's on the bed. the little lady was kicking her legs, looking up at the both of us just smiling and squealing away with such enthusiasm, her eyes wide open, very alert, and just so dang happy. it was one of those moments that burns your heart with such joy, and you know you'll remember that moment for a long time.

and its the reason i love mommyhood.

but my life has taken a huge 180 turn. i can hardly sleep at night as i wake up every 3 or 4 hours (like a baby, seriously) for no reason at all. jayne gets better sleep then i do, go figure. my days are filled with endless breast feeding, diaper changes, baby talk, and clean up. no longer can i just run out the door to do what i want to do. my life is all about her. sometimes i'm so exhausted i don't know how i am going to get through the day. and sometimes it gets hard. like, "am i really suppose to have more children?" kind of hard.

but then i have those moments... the times she smiles at me, or just gives me the cutest blank stare, when she gets so excited about the simplest things, when she looks in my eyes when she's eating, when she cries and i can't help but laugh because her face is so cute when she cries, when she snuggles up on me and smells like heaven, and the times she's sleeping so peacefully i can't help but sneak in the room and just look at her kind of moments.

and it all becomes so worth it. no matter what the challenge.

and so now i get it. it all makes sense. it truly is the hardest most greatest thing that ever happened. and i wouldn't trade my mommyhood for anything else in the world.

see jayne at two months old:

Photobucket

Photobucket

Photobucket

Photobucket

6 comments:

J and Rachel Kirkham said...

I could not agree more. Hardest but greatest indeed! You are such a good mommy. That first picture of Jayne looks EXACTLY like you did. What a beauty!! I love you!

Shannon and Kevin said...

so true! and also so beautifully put! Jayne is one lucky girl to have such a loving mommy like you. love you!

Angie said...

Thank you thank you for sharing your thoughts! This was such a beautiful post and makes me less scared and more excited for motherhood.

Sher Bear said...

And your dear Mommy did it TEN times......

Mary Martha said...

You're such a good mom. Thanks for letting me come over and bombard you with questions. I love observing your momy skills.

Lauren Dyer said...

exactly